Category Archives: Misc.

What are your rights?

Tonight’s random post has been inspired by a message heard from Pete Wilson at Cross Point Church in Nashville.

So many custody or divorce proceedings are littered with bitter and hateful words, actions and ammo.

I use the word ammo because so many hurt people are trying to hurt the other person at the same level as they feel hurt.

There has to be an end point though, an end game where we make a CHOICE to deal with our hurt in a healthy and positive way without trying to harm that other person. We have to choose to forgive.

Now, forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. However, what it does mean is that you release the right to hurt them back. Hurting them won’t change the pain that we carry from the harm they inflicted upon us. Forgiveness will. Hurting them won’t make them “see the light”. Forgiveness will.

There are some pains out there that I could never imagine and many that I could. I am also a far far cry from perfect when it comes to forgiveness. However hearing the words of a message tonight on forgiveness has caused me to do a temperature check on where my heart is for the hurt I am carrying.

Have I forgiven…truly, or am I just saving up to hurt them back? What about you?

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…if they walked in.


Not sure how my thoughts jumped on this train tonight. However, it did and here I am.

I wore my People of the Second Chance tee shirt recently when someone asked me, “What does that mean?” and I tried to explain using words like “radical grace” and “forgiveness” and I was almost balked at. Like what I had said didn’t make an impact. Well, it didn’t because the person I spoke to didn’t quite understand the true feeling of forgiveness. If I was honest, neither did I.

Then someone posted on Twitter (or I read it somewhere or heard it on the radio): If the person you say you’ve forgiven walks into the room, can you show them love? If the answer is no, you have not forgiven them.

If your ex walked into the room right now, could you show or, at minimum, have love in your heart for them?

Not for what they’ve done.

Not for what they haven’t done.

For them.

Can you?

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Sidebar Discussion: Amazing EX-amples!

My absence will be explained in another post. I appreciate your patience.

Five minutes of watching Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County has cured me from watching any of these “Real” shows. However, all is not lost. I did learn some fantastic tips from these ladies in a rerun episode from season four.

If my daughter is wearing a dress from my closet and her 15-year old boyfriend says she looks like a stripper, I probably do too!

If I am within 5 years of my step-son’s age, prancing around the house in skimpy clothes is irresponsible!

If my ex-husband is my “best friend” but my current husband isn’t, maybe I should seek out marriage counseling.

If I am going to an event WITHOUT my husband then “hot” should not be the top priority of my wardrobe choices.

If my CURRENT spouse is not comfortable with my EX-spouse, then I should honor him by NOT hanging out with him.

What do you think of these “reality” shows? I’m not really one of those we need to sign a petition to get shows off the air. However are you watching them? Are you letting your kids watch them?

More into American History EX (me!)

Living single is tough – When I began the road of healing from past bad relationships, I realized just HOW unhealthy my pursuits were.

One particular weekend, I was hanging at someone’s apartment pursuing yet another “unattainable”. I was just looking for the opportunity to hang out, be near, be close and edge out anyone else who might be there for the same thing (he had a couple of girls after him at the time).

Now, Balaam’s story is here.. but basically: there was an angel of the Lord sent to Balaam and the donkey he was riding saw it, but he didn’t.. so the donkey got out of the way, Balaam got angry. Three times the donkey did this and Balaam finally GOT IT when the donkey says in verse 28, “What have I done to make you hit me three times?” They have a dialogue and then Balaam sees the angel of the Lord on the road. Whoops..

So, on this particular weekend, I needed a ride home. I have no idea how I even got there but at any rate, I was milling around waiting for whats-his-face to get stuck into taking me home. Well, there was another guy there too. We’ll call him Joe. Joe was overweight, smoker, owned a porno shop (or managed it, not sure on that one) and was just rough around the edges. He and I never had much interaction although I ran into him a lot during parties that I invited myself into. Joe offered to take me home and in my absolute inability to say no to anyone – I agreed and got into his van.

Now, let me tell you – this wasn’t just any van. We’re talking a big, scary, white “hey little girl can you help me find my puppy” van.

He drove me home and when we arrived, I thanked him for the ride and proceeded to get out. He stopped me by saying, “hold on a minute, I have something to say..” Uh oh, I thought. Here it comes. He likes me or something, he’s going to want something from me. Ick, ugh!

He asked, “What’s the most important thing to you in your life?”
“Well”, I replied, “my son of course!” (Like, duh dude, I have a kid remember?)
He spat back, “Then why don’t you start f*cking acting like it?” And he proceeded to give me a lecture about how I had been behaving, how he’d been watching me pursue this particular guy and a couple of others and how this wasn’t good for my son. (wow, didn’t realize people actually KNEW what I was doing.)

Here’s the deal: Joe was not THE thing that made me turn my life around but he opened my eyes and he was one part of a long string of things that lead me to where I am now. God gave a donkey a voice to help Balaam open his eyes and God showed up by using the most unlikely of characters to open mine.

Who is in your life – holding all the signs and signals for you to stop your bad behavior, your sin, your vice..? Or, who was one person that stepped in and spoke into your life unexpectedly?

Not what you EX-pected, is it?

I just couldn’t wait!

Months ago, I was talking to my husband about how I had read Jon Acuff’s book Quitter. In there it talks about him writing his blog and finding his groove. Reading that book coupled with my husband’s “just do it” attitude whenever I shared my big dreams. I have come up with The Factor of Ex.

In 1995, when I was 3 months pregnant, my boyfriend and I split.
In 2005, my husband’s 2nd marriage ended after a 21-month hostile divorce process.

In 2006, we married and navigated life trying to put God at our center, with two children who aren’t related to each other and two EX’s who will always be a part of our lives. I, with 16 years as an EX and he having had 7 years of “experience” I have learned what feels like a lifetime of knowledge on how to behave (and even more on how NOT to behave).

I am not perfect, have screwed up a bunch and I need to learn a whole lot more but I hope that the topics that come up are ones that you can relate to and hopefully take away to use in your own life. Posts will typically come on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays and all comments are welcome. I’d love to start a dialogue on pretty much everything.

Welcome to The Factor of Ex!