Social media can, when used appropriately, can be helpful in connecting your family to what you’re dealing with if you’re in the middle of something with your Ex. However, used inappropriately, it can be a weapon.
I would say many feel “safe” behind their little ViewSonic monitor as they spew vile things about their ex’s in a public forum (No matter how private your Facebook page is, if you have more than 1 “friend” or “follower” then it’s public!). I can definitely see the temptation. Much like journaling, it gives the illusion of freedom and an outlet to just vomit all of the bad and negative feelings being felt at the moment. However, having had it used against me, I can tell you first hand that finding someone spewing garbage about you is just as painful as them saying it to my face.
1. Know your role: Your ex may be really a poo. That’s just reality sometimes. However, it really isn’t your job to try and prove to the world that they are a poo. Poo stinks on its own without you having to tell people it stinks.
2. Remember your audience: Remember that game Telephone? I say something in your ear, you try and repeat it to the next person and so it goes down the line. Until you get to the end and that person says, “The eagle eats waffle next Tuesday!” when what I actually said was, “The flag flies high in the sky!”. Get my point? Your words on the internet, no matter your intentions will likely get back to your Ex. Either through your friends and acquaintances or through your children. Unless you’re prepared for the fallout of a big misinterpretation, keep your “public” commentary to yourself.
3. Check your motives: There are lots of ways to work through the emotions of the Ex Factor and I really don’t believe that social media is the way to go. I suggested in a previous post that you find a friend. Now, my definition of friend is really different from a lot of people. My friend tells me when I’m being an idiot and they do it in and out of love. My friend doesn’t bad mouth my Ex and allows me to safely say what I need to say about the situation and I know that it won’t go any further than our space. Social Media doesn’t offer that same safety.
After I was slammed publicly, I made a public declaration (on Twitter) that words hurt, no matter where they are and my Ex privatized their account which leads me to:
4. Do you really need to know? If you’re checking your Ex’s social media (if they’re public) or you’re asking around to see what they’re saying about you, Stop it. So what if they think you are being a poo? You have no control over what they say, how they say it or who they say it to. You only have control over what you do and say. (and if you’re being a poo, stop that too!)
QUESTION OF THE DAY: What usually triggers you to post negative comments about your Ex on social media sites?