What are your rights?

Tonight’s random post has been inspired by a message heard from Pete Wilson at Cross Point Church in Nashville.

So many custody or divorce proceedings are littered with bitter and hateful words, actions and ammo.

I use the word ammo because so many hurt people are trying to hurt the other person at the same level as they feel hurt.

There has to be an end point though, an end game where we make a CHOICE to deal with our hurt in a healthy and positive way without trying to harm that other person. We have to choose to forgive.

Now, forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. However, what it does mean is that you release the right to hurt them back. Hurting them won’t change the pain that we carry from the harm they inflicted upon us. Forgiveness will. Hurting them won’t make them “see the light”. Forgiveness will.

There are some pains out there that I could never imagine and many that I could. I am also a far far cry from perfect when it comes to forgiveness. However hearing the words of a message tonight on forgiveness has caused me to do a temperature check on where my heart is for the hurt I am carrying.

Have I forgiven…truly, or am I just saving up to hurt them back? What about you?

Tagged , ,

…if they walked in.


Not sure how my thoughts jumped on this train tonight. However, it did and here I am.

I wore my People of the Second Chance tee shirt recently when someone asked me, “What does that mean?” and I tried to explain using words like “radical grace” and “forgiveness” and I was almost balked at. Like what I had said didn’t make an impact. Well, it didn’t because the person I spoke to didn’t quite understand the true feeling of forgiveness. If I was honest, neither did I.

Then someone posted on Twitter (or I read it somewhere or heard it on the radio): If the person you say you’ve forgiven walks into the room, can you show them love? If the answer is no, you have not forgiven them.

If your ex walked into the room right now, could you show or, at minimum, have love in your heart for them?

Not for what they’ve done.

Not for what they haven’t done.

For them.

Can you?

Tagged , ,

Merry Ex-mas from Ex Factors

Christmas, I believe, more than Valentine’s day is a lonely holiday for those living a single life. Every commercial is filled with family, love, gift exchanging and worst of all – happiness. It’s a real kick in the gut if you’re not very happy with your circumstances, are dividing your assets or arguing over who gets the children at what time. Add in grandparents who also want to see children and it’s a regular powder keg where I used to pray for it to just be over. I felt so alone. Waking up on Christmas morning to a silent house and empty tree was painful each year. It just seemed like a full day of reminders that my relationship had failed and I longed for days where I didn’t feel like that.

Here is something that I have mentioned before:

I am still a whole person without that other person.

The commercials with the happy couples don’t define who I am. I am not less because I have less people in my home. Merry Christmas my Ex-Factor friends. I pray that this holiday, no matter what you celebrate, is drama-free and peaceful.

Tagged , ,

Sidebar Discussion: Amazing EX-amples!

My absence will be explained in another post. I appreciate your patience.

Five minutes of watching Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County has cured me from watching any of these “Real” shows. However, all is not lost. I did learn some fantastic tips from these ladies in a rerun episode from season four.

If my daughter is wearing a dress from my closet and her 15-year old boyfriend says she looks like a stripper, I probably do too!

If I am within 5 years of my step-son’s age, prancing around the house in skimpy clothes is irresponsible!

If my ex-husband is my “best friend” but my current husband isn’t, maybe I should seek out marriage counseling.

If I am going to an event WITHOUT my husband then “hot” should not be the top priority of my wardrobe choices.

If my CURRENT spouse is not comfortable with my EX-spouse, then I should honor him by NOT hanging out with him.

What do you think of these “reality” shows? I’m not really one of those we need to sign a petition to get shows off the air. However are you watching them? Are you letting your kids watch them?

EX-clusive Sidebar discussion!

So millions (sans this writer) glued themselves to the television to see the wedding of Reality Royal Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. GLUED. So much so that the E! Network played their wedding shenanigans over and over and over again.

Then October 31st came and the Kardashian camp announced that after 72 days of marriage, Kim would be filing for divorce. No words why. Just divorced. 2 and 1/2 months had passed and it was over.

So who pops up? All of these folks who scream this unified cry of “Sanctity of marriage” – “How dare she put up such hoopla!” they exclaim torches in hand.

Fast forward a bit and moving to another celebrity Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore. Rumors start FLYING faster than the Kardashian marriage. Kutcher has allegedly had an affair and blondie-cheatee reveals it, what? On their anniversary.

The social media mobsters who torched Kim – are silent.

Then, Moore and Kutcher announce that they will be divorcing after 6 years of marriage.

72 days vs. 6 years – Still divorced. But everyone was willing to bash Kardashian to bits, but not Kutcher? Would we have been more permissible to Kim had she been married a year or two? What if Kris was a cheater? Would the criers of “sanctity” be screaming then?

I’m so disappointed that people, who know nothing except what the frosted blonde announcers on entertainment shows tell them, are so easily swayed.

Are we that small minded? Why do you think there has been such a HUGE double standard? Would love to hear your thoughts. Go!